Jabby Jabby, Stabby Stabby
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| 2011 |
I even tried losing weight for my wedding, as brides do, and I was told by my seamstress to stop, because my dress would be too big--and it was corseted and could adjust. I have no idea what weight I was then, at 21 years old, but I remember feeling my best and slimmest in those last few years in California.
But I'm not a teenager anymore. And with age, my physical appearance has gotten worse in terms of health.
Ever since then, I've been chasing an unrealistic expectation that I'd 'get back' to that girl physically.
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| 2012 |
I've suffered from Seasonal Depression Disorder, when the winter months got darker, and I used food as a coping mechanism for depression. I've dealt with the aftermath stress of moving away from home, moving into my marital home, moving to a different country, and job hunting all at the same time. This meant a lot of stress eating and storing my food in my belly like a squirrel.
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| 2015 |
Eventually the stress lessened, I became more active and I started doing activities like Yoga and Pole Dancing that I enjoyed and that helped me feel physically healthier.
In terms of BMI, I can't remember a time where I was 'in the green' or 'ideal' BMI range (aka considered medically healthy). But in about 2016 I'd say that I was in my prime adult fitness era, doing several dance classes a week and having energy to go go go.
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| 2016 |
Problem was, I was also running myself into the ground with how busy I was. I would drive an hour to work, have a full day of working, drive 45min to the studio, usually spend anywhere from 2-3 hours in dance classes (Pole dancing, Aerial Silks, Aerial Hoop, Chair dancing), then drive another 30min home. Rinse and repeat.
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| 2016 |
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| 2016 |
Even when I was at my healthiest, I still didn't feel like I was anywhere close to the weight I used to be when I was living in California.
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| 2016 |
And then in 2017, I got into a RTC- my shoulder was out of commission for a whole month, so exercise was out of the question. I did physio to get the muscles back to functioning form, but all of the progress I made with fitness and weight loss and feeling better in myself over the past 2 years had gone straight out the window. June 2017 I was probably at my healthiest weight before my accident and at 27, doing all these classes it still didn't seem like I'd be able to get back to where I was.
I gave up on idolizing that part of me and came to terms that I would never be the weight I was at 19 again and that my body is just going to do it's thing. And I was happy for a while, getting back into doing classes, showcases, dance competitions, and not worrying about the weight. I enjoyed my love of dancing for the routines, kept doing yoga to achieve calm & muscle tone in my life, and went on hikes/walks for the views and adventures.
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| 2019 |
Everything changed in 2019, as they often do when kids are brought into the picture. When I was pregnant, I wasn't allowed to dance at the studio anymore. I had to quit my last competition and say goodbye to Pole Dancing. I kept walking and doing yoga for as long as I could, but eventually that stopped as my child grew.
People think--you can bounce back! That baby weight will come off when you get back into a routine.
LIES.
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| 2021 |
You can try, but the truth is that fitness routines go out the window when your life is not your own anymore. All the hours of dedication I put into weekly Yoga and Dance classes were now spent looking after a tiny human being and there wasn't the time to dedicate to my physical fitness anymore. There's also the money aspect of things.
At this point in my life, I not only had a baby (a massive drain on expenses), but I also had a Mortgage and a house to finance. When it came time to add fitness back into my life, my finances couldn't justify paying for exercise classes. And the small amount of 'fun money' I was left with was spent chasing little quick dopamine fixes: a splurge on a treat, colour to dye my hair myself (not that I wasn't pregnant), enjoying things that I had been denying while I was pregnant, which was mostly food--mooooore food. So, 2 years.. 3... 4... 5... It's been nearly 8 years since fitness has been a REGULAR part of my life and I've come to realize that with kids, finances, age, the odds keep stacking against me and I need help.
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| 2022 |
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| 2023 |
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| 2023 |
Since I've had Henry, my exercise has been limited to running after a toddler, and the occasional bout of exercise (self-taught yoga, a woodland walk, a one-off class or trip to the gym on a trial membership). I have a desk job, so movement isn't a part of my daily life and with a child I don't have dedicated time to do exercise on a regular basis. So, I needed a passive way to lose weight without using up any of my dedicated time.
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| 2024 |
Couple that with my relationship with food, it seemed like my eating habits would be easier to change. But again, meal prep/planning takes time and effort. Even if I ate 'clean', I would still stress eat and especially with a child, I would OVER eat. Anything the baby/child didn't eat, I would eat whatever was on my plate, plus what Henry didn't finish. It was as much sustainability as cost cutting: don't waste food, use everything up. But that meant I starting having just a bit more than 1 regular sized meal at meal times...and then 1 and a half meals... and soon I was eating enough in one sitting for 2 people.
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| 2025 |
I would see it just as a way to not waste food/money. But I got bigger, and bigger, and slower, and more lethargic until I noticed my eating getting out of hand. I will never forget when I was eating across from my partner (who is trying to bulk up and gain weight), and I had x2 as much food on MY plate. He struggled to finish his portion, but I wolfed mine down without any effort and still had room for more-to finish off his portion.
So I started taking Mounjaro - a weight loss injection pen.
It may seem like a cheat, or a dangerous way to lose weight, but for my circumstances it's been working. The way it works is that snacking goes a long way. Instead of having regular big meals to store up food, you eat only little bits when you're hungry and your body doesn't store any of it for later. With the injection pen, it tells your body to make that food last longer, so you feel full even on a bit of food and you don't feel the need to shovel in food at mealtimes. It's helped me curb my appetite right back and it's actually saved me money on lowering the amount of groceries I buy.
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| May 2026 |
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| May 2026 |
I started off my Mounjaro journey at 95kg (or 210lbs) in the middle of June:
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| June 2026 |
At first, it didn't look like I was losing much. It also didn't help that it was summer, I had lots of trips planned and nights out, so food was ever present in my life. Also, those first few weeks my body was still getting used to less food intake and I really had to think about "Am I hungry, or is this a habit?" "Do I need to eat the rest, or do I want to simply not waste food?"
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| July 2026 |
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| August 2026 |
Weeks went by and then I started to feel like I had a bit more energy to motivate myself to move. And the scales were dropping. And I wasn't thinking about food as much.
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| September 2026 |
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| October 2026 |
As well as the financial implications and feeling more energetic, I've been noticing the physical changes as well. First it was the fact that when I stood tall, I could see my feet without having the big belly in the way. Then I noticed my face, especially around my cheeks and chin getting a bit slimmer. I noticed my jeans were baggier and I could fit into sweatpants that my arse was spilling out of before (I had kept them around as an extra pair for Liam). I also noticed my arms getting slimmer, although with limited exercise, there's a bit of flabby fat flabs hanging around.
For now, I'm happy with what I have achieved, which has been losing 12kg (28lbs) in 4 months.
My last weigh in was 82.95kg, which all things considered, looks pretty great on the graph.
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