The End of 2022 - A review

Welp, It's offically 2023. New beginnings start now; however before I delve into the year ahead, It's time to reflect on the last 12 months, which lets face it has had some very high ups and very low downs.

The biggest shock to my system actually started in November 2021, when Rob left me. I've been handling the mortgage and all the bills by myself for over a year, whilst being a full time employee and having the majority of responsibility for co-parenting a toddler, as well as taking time off work to meet with Mediation and Solicitors which has been a mental and emotional drain on me. It's been a Sh*t year in that respect and there have been alot of tears, alot of questioning the rationality of my ex's logic, and as a result alot of anxiety and emotional breakdowns. 

The long road of divorce and settlement is STILL ongoing, but I hope that this year I'll be able to deal with challenges in a calmer way, since I'm starting to get desensitized by it all. I'm no longer suprised by selfish entitlement and instead just exaserbated that it continues. I hope to Hecate that this blemish on my life doesn't take another year to resolve. 

I know that I am doing the right thing for myself and Henry by standing my ground and no longer being a victim of emotional abuse, but it's hard when there's co-parenting and a divorce settlement still looming overhead. I have to remind myself daily that I am a strong woman, a caring mom, and I'm able to provide a great life for myself and my son. Little wins in my daily life help me carry on, especially something as simple as seeing Henry laugh and smile while he's with me. It almost makes all the dark moments worth it.

I've seen my baby boy grow and his speech improve month after month. It's hard to believe that he's already three and that this year I will be applying for his place at school for the following year! Since having to co-parent with Rob, it's tough not being with Henry 24/7 but it also has given me a break from being my 'mommy' persona, and get to explore myself. So, every time I get to have Henry again, it's like he's become a new little person since I've seen him because he's always developed a new attitude, or phrase, or quirk.

He's definately been the best part of my life, with everything serious going on. He loves me unconditionally and even though he doesn't fully understand what is going on or what mommy has been going through, he is always there to cuddle me, give me kisses and take care of me. 

I'm quite proud of all the things I've been able to accomplish this year with what I've been through.
I've been able to finish a plethera of long standing mini projects I've been working on:

*I finished my 'Year Wheel' of stitches, that I started in 2021 and ended up making it a 2-year Wheel of stitches (events and things pertaining to my life each month in both 2021 & 2022). 

*After Charlie died, I decided to decorate his grave with stones, painted and decorated as a momento. Through the winter months, on my walks, I collected some reasonably sized stones, then I painted them in layers and layers of paint, sealant, and then decorated them with quotes, poems, well wishes, etc which took a considerable amount of drying time. I finally placed them last week on Charlie's grave. 

*I started collecting pieces for a Lego Dice Tower in the summer, built most of it and then stopped after a while because I couldn't collect all the pieces necessary. I spent months searching pick and mix bricks on the cheap, 'borrowing' Lego from others who had spare pieces, and finally aquiring the last special bricks needed from Lego Pick-A-Brick. So this week, just before the year ended, I was able to finish my Tower and now I have a cute little mechanical Dice roller for DnD.

*I commited myself to reading 100 books/audiobooks this year and I was able to read 105 in all. Not all were gems, but it was a great way of allowing my mind to escape into another world and make me forget about my life troubles.

I participated in my 10th Nanowrimo this year and ended up writting a 50,000+ word memoir titled Divorce As Experienced by Jenny Mac. It was a theraputic way to let out my frustrations about my ex husband, rant about the events of going through a divorce from my perspective, and acheieve my nanowrimo word count without much effort. 

Music has been a safe haven for me, as it has always been. When things get too much to handle in life, I often escape through the medium of writting or music to allow myself to feel my feelings and let them go in a healthy productive way. This year's top music selections include a mix of Kpop (just entertaining and captivating to make me forget about real life for a while) and a variety of female artists and songs that would bolster my confidence and empower me as a divorcee, single mum, who's been reclaiming her identity alongside these tough life events. 

I've been dedicating more time outside in nature. Whether that's going for walks, foraging, getting some fresh air, camping, doing photoshoots in the woods, or spending time in my garden trying my hand at having a green thumb. I'm learning and developing some gardening skills and trying to grow my plant collection both inside and outside.

I've always been the type of person who didn't have the time to dedicate to gardening; and because I lack the knowledge, I never bothered for fear of just killing every plant I *try* to care for. I started small, trimming back the weeds and dead plants that came from neglect in my garden. Then replaced some of the empty patches in my flower bed with herbs that I wanted to use and care for. I planted Rosemary & Sage that I've actually been able to cultivate and use for various cooking and spellwork. Then I've gained a few indoor plants that haven't yet died, including an orchid that I'd kept alive for 2 years, and now an aloe plant. 

Alogside my new appreciation for nature, I'm also making a greater effort to reuse and upcycle as much as I can and not be as wasteful. I reuse glass jars to store herbs in on the regular instead of buying store bought 'pretty' storage containers. I'm growing and using my own herbs, and hope to add a few fruit or veg to the collection. At the moment I have an Avocado pit growing a small avo plant. I planted sunflowers in September, and when the flowers had wilted and died I harvested the seeds and stalks to use next season (seeds to replant, and the stalks to dry and use as trellis/plant supports for future gardening. My Christmas tree was repurposed into a little hedgehog house to go in my front garden. 

I've also switched out alot of my household products with more sustainable brands, ones that use more natural ingredients, or use less packaging (recyclable) and zero plastic waste that would just end up in a landfill. So far I've been able to switch out shampoo, body wash, deodorant, soap, dishwasher tablets, washing powder, and I've even been making my own multipurpose cleaner & pesticide spray from essential oils instead of using chemical ridden products. 

Alot of this feeds into my new discovered identity as a witch. I've been practcing witchcraft this past year which feels right and what I should have been doing for my whole life. My practice stems from nature and using materials that I have cultivated to cast spells, make totums, etc so things like growing my own herbs and reusing glass jars have worked well in my practice. It gives more purpose to what I've been doing and continues to motivate me to be more sustainable. 

It's also helps me get through and make since of my struggles. I practice alot of natural magic and instead of looking to a divine figure like 'God' to make my life better, I give thanks to the elements, give into the chaos of the Universe but untimately put faith in MYSELF to manifest my desires. It's a big part of my identity to do be able to do things myself, and through practicing witchcraft I put the power back in my hands (which for an abuse victim is fundimental to overcome past trauma).
I've become more positive and open to messages the universe is trying to send me, I listen to my body and the world around me, taking subtle clues to guide myself in the direction I'm meant to go. 

I took the leap (and paid the remaining nearly £1,000) and got sworn in as an offical British Citizen. This happened in the summer, when my mom was still here visiting me so I was happy to not have gone through it alone. I know there would have been friends who would have been there for me, given the chance, but it was nice for my mom to be the one to see me through this big transition in my life.

I didn't have to renounce my American citizenship, so I guess I have duel? I just know that I'm offically naturalized and I can now Vote in the UK, and I'm entitled to apply for a British passport. Oh, and I had to swear to uphold British ideals, yadda yadda, 'for Queen and Country'. I can say without a doubt that I'm glad I took the leap to become a citizen while Queen Elizabeth still reigned. No shade to Charles, but it sounds weird now if I had to say 'for King and country'.